It is time!! I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath for this all day. Now here it is! The list!!
- Schizo Girl! – When your date shows up, make sure you ask questions… and answer yourself in a different voice!
- The Kiss of Death! – On your way out the door, open-mouth kiss your male gay roomate.
- I Miss You! – Call home often, to leave messages for your 13 cats, so they don’t get lonely.
- They’re Real People Too! – Talk about your 13 cats, by name, as if they are real people who talk back to you.
- Watch Out For Po-Po! – On the drive to dinner, mention you have things you need him to hold on to if you get pulled over.
- Get Into The Swerve! – Ask your date if he’s ever felt the urge to just swerve into oncoming traffic. (Works best if you are driving)
- Shank It! – Use a shank (yes, a home made knife) instead of a knife when cutting up your extremely rare steak at dinner.
- Gimps-R-Us! – Mention you forgot to let your gimp out of the trunk.
- Family Is Important! – When you get to the cinemas, introduce him to your ten cousins and aunt you invited to see the movie.
- Sucker!Punch – As your date leans in for the kiss at the end of the night, ask him to punch you real hard in the face.
- Freud Slips! – Ask him upstairs for “some chloroform… I mean coffee.”
- Uncle! Uncle! – Introduce your date to your Uncle Charlie who just escaped from the mental institution/federal prison.
- The Usual! – Ask Uncle Charlie to “prepare the usual… I think this one’s a screamer/bleeder.”
- The Right Waive! – Start asking your date about any heart conditions while giving him a pen to sign the waiver of liability.
- Tourist! – Give your date a tour of your appartment/house and show him how excited you are about the room with the metal tub in the middle surrounded by the plastic tarp.
I’ll tell you what… If your date sticks around after all of that, you have a KEEPER!!
Have any suggestions to add to the list? Put them in the comments! And don’t forget to tune in to tomorrow’s blog to leave a list you’d like to see!