Last week I hit a major hurdle in my work in progress…
A hurdle called FEAR.
I found myself quite literally shaken to the core with it. I was afraid I was delusional thinking I could write a book worth reading. I was afraid the writing was sub-par or worse. I was afraid people would laugh at my pathetic attempts to put words on paper…
And I was amazed at how strongly that fear hit me. It was all but crippling. I was a complete mess the entire day. I really did drop three plates while trying to wash dishes. I could barely hold on to anything what with all the shaking my hands were doing. Frazzled and distracted and quite jumpy, my kids spent the day looking at me like I’d lost my mind. The cat jumping on the table while I stood beside it sent me leaping backward, clutching at my chest, a scream building and then dying when I realized she just wanted to be loved on.
It was bad. Bad enough, in fact, it took me an hour to write a blog about it… Remember where I mentioned shaking? Typing and shaking do not mix well.
And then something happened.
I was sitting in the living room trying to calm down by watching a bit of TV (reading and shaking don’t mix either) when my daughter comes in from her room and asks what I’m doing.
“Watching TV,” I reply.
“Oh…. Why?” She had scrunched her eyebrows together, looking at me as if I had an ulterior motive.
“Uh, because I want to.”
With an intelligence greater than her five years, she studied my face and said, “It’s your book, Mommy. You can make the scary monsters go away.”
Then she gave me a big hug and went back to her room to play.
I was floored. This five year old little girl had touched upon an amazing wisdom… Fear can control you only as long as you let it.
Well, crap! I had been letting my fear control me!
So I turned off the TV, sat down at my computer, and started up Scrivener. I felt the fear try to kick in again as I looked at my WIP. I didn’t let it win though. I took that fear, bottled it up, and shoved it into a dark corner of my mind where it will remain until I decide to let it out again.
I was finally able to write more! The fear was still there in the back of my mind, but I pushed past it, refusing to give in any longer. Now, I’m back to my normal routine and having no problems save the few normal pint sized distractions wanting to know what Mommy was doing.
And all it took was my daughter and her beautiful innocent wisdom.